I've been doing a lot reminiscing these past few days. From photos that are nearly a decade old to online posts etched on my social media accounts that I don't even remember the passwords to. And my, how I have grown.
From what I have gathered, my old self was obsessively narcissistic. I didn't have much care about the kind of reaction people would give me. Or maybe I was, and there was a high chance that it was all done in the spirit of exactly that. Anticipating reactions.
In a more neutral justification, I had to express myself. I was relentlessly defining who I am and shaping my presence through these platforms. My blog posts, Facebook status updates, religious Flickr uploads all of which are publicly available to my non-existent aficionados. And I'm proud that the 17 year old Fara did that. I can clearly draw a comparison on what my life revolved around back then and what I give a shit about now.
And safe to say I now have a very short list of things that I care about. I would not give a second thought about things that I devoted my emotions and energy to when I was a teenager. I also had numerous fallacious views that I now look back and think, "what, with all due respect, the absolute fuck?" But hey, if you're unable to contradict yourself, you're not growing right? Right.
On a very related note, adult Fara was very much on edge when she created this post. I had a lot of growing up to do and I evidently lost my sense of self while doing that. But I know the old me is still there somewhere. A little less lucid but very much accounted for. Like receding footsteps in an abandoned mansion. Probably finding an exit through a creaking door.
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